History time:
Back in 1973, Martin Cooper of Motorola made a phone call to Joel S. Engel of Bell labs. It wasn't just a normal phone call, if it were, I probably wouldn't be mentioning it. Motorola and Bell Labs (then owned by AT&T) were in competition to build the modern cell phone. When Martin Cooper made the call in 1973, he was effectively telling Engel, "we won." They had done it, built a phone that could be carried (sort of) around wherever a person went. This wasn't the first time, in 1946, a mobile telephone call had been made but the phone wasn't exactly portable, it weighed over 88lbs (40kg) and it was not a cellular phone but a radio telephone. The differences are minor but the point is that this technology is old.
Only within the last decade or so has the use of cellular phones become ubiquitous to the point that the United Nations has declared them to have spread faster than any other technology. This is evidenced by the fact that it seems more odd if a person doesn't have one than if they do. This will all be important in a little bit.
We are not doing the typical chapter summary this week. The reason is that I just realized exactly what the plot hinges on, what is now driving it, and it's utterly ridiculous. In brief here's what happens in the chapter that isn't the real important thing: Jacob comes over, yells at Bella for being a vampire lover, Bella explains that she loves Alice and isn't going to dump her* but can't they all be friends. Everything kind of works out, there's a scene where Jacob almost gets kissin' action until Alice gets a phone call. She looks scared.
Here's where we get going, keep in mind everything I said about the cell phone before.
In the first novel the vampires had cell phones. The poor Swans and Blacks even have Antonio Meucci's device in their houses. People have the ability to make phone calls in this book. I know that I keep hammering that position but I really want to be clear about that fact because it is very curious that no one even thinks to pick up the damn phone:
-Last chapter Alice told us that she had a vision of Bella jumping off a cliff. Instead of picking up a phone and calling her immediately she buys a ticket, gets on a plane, and comes down to save her--getting there too late. See what I mean? If Alice had simply had the vision (of which there are numerous problems but--I'm not going to get into that) then dialed up Bella to make sure she was ok everything would have been fine.
This is another problem I have, that I ought to have brought up earlier. Why did Alice have to break up with Bella when Edward did. I know it would be kind of weird, but Alice could have still been friends with Bella. Is Eddie the king of the Cullens? As much as I hate Ed and Bella, it might have been nice for Alice to continue to have her friend. It's not like Bella left Scientology and now the rest of her clan have to shun her (you can sub in Mormonism/Amish for Scientology there if you prefer).
Back to Alice not calling, maybe she didn't call because she saw that Bella was ok and just wanted to see her. It's a stretch because it goes against specifically what is said by her, but we can still pretend right?
Alice's phone call was preceded by a mysterious phone call that Jacob answers. What happens is this: the phone rings and Jake grabs it. By the way we are at Bella's house but it's the man's role to answer the phone. Jacob answers a few questions, then mutters a derogatory comment about vampires. What Jacob tells the person on the other line is that Charlie is not home, he's at the funeral.
This is the "plot." The person on the other line was Edward asking for Charlie. Why was he doing this? Because Alice told her family that she saw Bella die in the future, at which point she flew down. Edward, who apparently still cares for Bella but not enough to call her on the phone, called Charlie to offer his condolences I suppose--instead of doing anything at ANY POINT EARLIER TO STOP WHAT ALICE KNEW WAS HAPPENING. When he finds out the exact thing that he expected he hangs up.
At this point Alice gets a call from Carlisle. Here's where it gets stupid(er). Because Edward thinks Bella committed suicide, six months after they broke up, he is going to the Volturri (I'm not looking it up) to die. He's going to ask them to kill him, something he can't do himself for whatever reason, because he blames himself for Bella's suicide. This, despite the fact that it's been several months and she could have done so for any number of reasons (broken family issues, other people, realization that she's a horrible person) he can't live without her--even though he dumped her, moved away, and told her he was never going to see her again.
It's also been two days since Alice got to Bella's house. Upon arriving, why didn't she just call to check in, "hey Carlisle, yeah it's me. You know how sometimes I'm wrong with my predictions and don't see everything, well it happened again. Yeah Bella's fine, by the way I can't see werewolves in my visions and the Forks is overrun with trash now, those two statements aren't independent. bye bye."
The entire developing "plot" would be thus eviscerated. The phone call Alice should have made would have prevented Eddie from thinking Bella had died. No need to suddenly head to Italy to save him.
Never mind that the plan is stupid: couldn't they just throw a call to the Italians and let them know that Ed is operating under incorrect information, "Hey Viktor, yeah Alice Cullen. No, Cullen...C-U-L-L-E-N. Yeah, Carlisle's kid, sure whatever. Listen remember Edward, Edward. Kind of douchey looking, spikey hair, angsty for no reason...yeah him, the asshole. Listen he thinks his girlfriend whom he dumped committed suicide and thinks he's responsible...no six months ago...yeah he is self-centered...I know...listen, she's alive and fine...just let him know...I'll see you...I promise I'll visit...ok bye bye"
Boom. Book solved. Instead they have to go to Italy. Does Bella have a passport? She does. Why? Because she needed one to attend a failed attempt by her crazy mom to marry her boyfriend. Odd, that she would need a passport for that.
The thing about cellular phones now is that they have quick access to the internet, if you have the right model. Of course in 2006 they wouldn't have unless you had a BlackBerry or a Nokia Symbian, which was in the book was written. Why is that important? Because in 2006 you didn't need a passport to get into Mexico or Canada. All you needed was a valid ID, and a reason for doing so. The US used to have an open border policy which used to be a big deal given that the US/Canadian border was the largest unprotected border in the world. They stupidly changed that policy in 2009 to prevent...uh, something I'm sure. What I'm saying is that while having a passport let's you cross the border easier, it isn't essential and if you were only planning on going to Mexico for one thing you probably wouldn't grab a passport. Research Meyer.
All of chapter 18 could have been taken care of in two phone calls. Now, we have to chase Alice and Bella to Italy. Which, by the way, Bella decides to up and leave her father, who just loss a close friend, in the care of Jacob who doesn't have the time due to the hunting of Victoria. Nice girl.
_______________________________________
*American President Thomas Jefferson rewrote the bible removing all references to the supernatural, it would be interesting to do that with this series: what we would be left with is the story of a depressed angsty narcissistic girl who falls for a abusive sociopathic boy and his weird cult family. That would be the first book, the second would--as of right now--be about a love square between Bella, Jacob, Alice, and her ex-boyfriend whom we don't see anymore. Without all the vampires and werewolves it almost sounds quite compelling.
Back in 1973, Martin Cooper of Motorola made a phone call to Joel S. Engel of Bell labs. It wasn't just a normal phone call, if it were, I probably wouldn't be mentioning it. Motorola and Bell Labs (then owned by AT&T) were in competition to build the modern cell phone. When Martin Cooper made the call in 1973, he was effectively telling Engel, "we won." They had done it, built a phone that could be carried (sort of) around wherever a person went. This wasn't the first time, in 1946, a mobile telephone call had been made but the phone wasn't exactly portable, it weighed over 88lbs (40kg) and it was not a cellular phone but a radio telephone. The differences are minor but the point is that this technology is old.
Only within the last decade or so has the use of cellular phones become ubiquitous to the point that the United Nations has declared them to have spread faster than any other technology. This is evidenced by the fact that it seems more odd if a person doesn't have one than if they do. This will all be important in a little bit.
We are not doing the typical chapter summary this week. The reason is that I just realized exactly what the plot hinges on, what is now driving it, and it's utterly ridiculous. In brief here's what happens in the chapter that isn't the real important thing: Jacob comes over, yells at Bella for being a vampire lover, Bella explains that she loves Alice and isn't going to dump her* but can't they all be friends. Everything kind of works out, there's a scene where Jacob almost gets kissin' action until Alice gets a phone call. She looks scared.
Here's where we get going, keep in mind everything I said about the cell phone before.
In the first novel the vampires had cell phones. The poor Swans and Blacks even have Antonio Meucci's device in their houses. People have the ability to make phone calls in this book. I know that I keep hammering that position but I really want to be clear about that fact because it is very curious that no one even thinks to pick up the damn phone:
-Last chapter Alice told us that she had a vision of Bella jumping off a cliff. Instead of picking up a phone and calling her immediately she buys a ticket, gets on a plane, and comes down to save her--getting there too late. See what I mean? If Alice had simply had the vision (of which there are numerous problems but--I'm not going to get into that) then dialed up Bella to make sure she was ok everything would have been fine.
This is another problem I have, that I ought to have brought up earlier. Why did Alice have to break up with Bella when Edward did. I know it would be kind of weird, but Alice could have still been friends with Bella. Is Eddie the king of the Cullens? As much as I hate Ed and Bella, it might have been nice for Alice to continue to have her friend. It's not like Bella left Scientology and now the rest of her clan have to shun her (you can sub in Mormonism/Amish for Scientology there if you prefer).
Back to Alice not calling, maybe she didn't call because she saw that Bella was ok and just wanted to see her. It's a stretch because it goes against specifically what is said by her, but we can still pretend right?
Alice's phone call was preceded by a mysterious phone call that Jacob answers. What happens is this: the phone rings and Jake grabs it. By the way we are at Bella's house but it's the man's role to answer the phone. Jacob answers a few questions, then mutters a derogatory comment about vampires. What Jacob tells the person on the other line is that Charlie is not home, he's at the funeral.
This is the "plot." The person on the other line was Edward asking for Charlie. Why was he doing this? Because Alice told her family that she saw Bella die in the future, at which point she flew down. Edward, who apparently still cares for Bella but not enough to call her on the phone, called Charlie to offer his condolences I suppose--instead of doing anything at ANY POINT EARLIER TO STOP WHAT ALICE KNEW WAS HAPPENING. When he finds out the exact thing that he expected he hangs up.
At this point Alice gets a call from Carlisle. Here's where it gets stupid(er). Because Edward thinks Bella committed suicide, six months after they broke up, he is going to the Volturri (I'm not looking it up) to die. He's going to ask them to kill him, something he can't do himself for whatever reason, because he blames himself for Bella's suicide. This, despite the fact that it's been several months and she could have done so for any number of reasons (broken family issues, other people, realization that she's a horrible person) he can't live without her--even though he dumped her, moved away, and told her he was never going to see her again.
It's also been two days since Alice got to Bella's house. Upon arriving, why didn't she just call to check in, "hey Carlisle, yeah it's me. You know how sometimes I'm wrong with my predictions and don't see everything, well it happened again. Yeah Bella's fine, by the way I can't see werewolves in my visions and the Forks is overrun with trash now, those two statements aren't independent. bye bye."
The entire developing "plot" would be thus eviscerated. The phone call Alice should have made would have prevented Eddie from thinking Bella had died. No need to suddenly head to Italy to save him.
Never mind that the plan is stupid: couldn't they just throw a call to the Italians and let them know that Ed is operating under incorrect information, "Hey Viktor, yeah Alice Cullen. No, Cullen...C-U-L-L-E-N. Yeah, Carlisle's kid, sure whatever. Listen remember Edward, Edward. Kind of douchey looking, spikey hair, angsty for no reason...yeah him, the asshole. Listen he thinks his girlfriend whom he dumped committed suicide and thinks he's responsible...no six months ago...yeah he is self-centered...I know...listen, she's alive and fine...just let him know...I'll see you...I promise I'll visit...ok bye bye"
Boom. Book solved. Instead they have to go to Italy. Does Bella have a passport? She does. Why? Because she needed one to attend a failed attempt by her crazy mom to marry her boyfriend. Odd, that she would need a passport for that.
The thing about cellular phones now is that they have quick access to the internet, if you have the right model. Of course in 2006 they wouldn't have unless you had a BlackBerry or a Nokia Symbian, which was in the book was written. Why is that important? Because in 2006 you didn't need a passport to get into Mexico or Canada. All you needed was a valid ID, and a reason for doing so. The US used to have an open border policy which used to be a big deal given that the US/Canadian border was the largest unprotected border in the world. They stupidly changed that policy in 2009 to prevent...uh, something I'm sure. What I'm saying is that while having a passport let's you cross the border easier, it isn't essential and if you were only planning on going to Mexico for one thing you probably wouldn't grab a passport. Research Meyer.
All of chapter 18 could have been taken care of in two phone calls. Now, we have to chase Alice and Bella to Italy. Which, by the way, Bella decides to up and leave her father, who just loss a close friend, in the care of Jacob who doesn't have the time due to the hunting of Victoria. Nice girl.
_______________________________________
*American President Thomas Jefferson rewrote the bible removing all references to the supernatural, it would be interesting to do that with this series: what we would be left with is the story of a depressed angsty narcissistic girl who falls for a abusive sociopathic boy and his weird cult family. That would be the first book, the second would--as of right now--be about a love square between Bella, Jacob, Alice, and her ex-boyfriend whom we don't see anymore. Without all the vampires and werewolves it almost sounds quite compelling.
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