Is It Safe? (Pg. 407-410)

We're at a seedy hotel by the airport, inside is Jasper, Alice, and Bella waiting for a phone call to find out whether or not it is safe. Along with the oddly reminiscent scenes this book has with 90s era softcore pornography, it is starting to become a cliched cop movie. In that movie I see Bella as the witness to a murder in which the male-female cop duo, who totally don't get along are waiting to hear from their snitch whether the witness can be moved or not. The trouble with that scenario is that it is far more interesting than what is going on here.

Bella has switched clothes and then been carted off back to Arizona to hide from James, the tracker (we still don't know that means) who is in Forks. It should be noted that this drive is over 1500 miles and would take almost a straight day of driving. By all of this we can assume that it is now Tuesday. The night baseball game was on Sunday, they panicked and ran, 24 hours of driving and then a groggy Bella wakes up...Tuesday at the earliest. This also means that for Charlie, his daughter has been missing for two days but since he isn't that central to the plot or the story we don't have to concern ourselves other than a fleeting mention that Bella makes.

"Edward reminded me that you have to eat a lot more frequently than we do." Alice comes skipping in with this witty writing. This comment breaks the fourth wall, it reminds us that we are obviously in a vampire story. Alice goes to school with high school kids, they interact with humans all of the time so why should she need to be reminded that Bella needs to eat. This far in the book we know who the vampires are, we don't need to be beaten over the head that Alice is one of them. The comment further serves to get Bella to mention Edward without him actually having to be in the room. Lest we forget that he is also in the story.

There's a brief exchange between Bella, Alice, and Jasper wherein Bella wants to know what is going on, and why everyone is so careful and quiet. With the absence of lucky strike cigarettes, and Joe Pesci this plays more like a scene from JFK only with more paranoia. In that movie Pesci's character and everyone else thought they had something to fear, in this book we have an actual fear but it is so remote that the tension seems false. If Phoenix was only an hour away from Forks or a couple of hours it would seem more real, or if Phoenix was the size of Port Angeles than, again that would be something else. Here, past 24 hours and 1500 miles of water, wind, and bridges the odds of James being able to continue to track them should let them relax.

Bella is, of course, not concerned about herself but about the fate of Edward. The bit about the waiting is good, I'll grant that. The whole thing is about not knowing that something is going on when something probably is going on, and then wondering what the outcome of that something might be. Yet in two days, no one can pick up a phone?

Finally when someone does call they just tell Bella that everything is fine. But, "Her eyes were wide, honest...and I didn't trust them."

They were so honest she couldn't believe them at all. Is that irony or is actual irony?

Fort Sensible (Pg. 401-407)

"The Indians said, throw out the captain and everyone will be spared."
"What happened?"
"They threw him out! And that's why it's called Fort Sensible."
              --The Simpsons, "Whacking Day"

We're back after a week off so that I could finish my assignments for the semester. We bring up a classic episode of the Simpsons, from when it was good,* because it illustrates a problem that the Cullens are having with Bella that only one of them seems to understand. To recap, three new vampires are in town and two of them really really want to kill Bella and eat her. Out of the blue, the Cullens decide that the best course of action is to rush her out of town forcing her to abandon her father with no prior notice. All of which she accepts with only token protest. I should note here that this is indicative of the religion of the writer. If a person marries in to a Mormon family, they have to adopt the ways and means of the new religion. I'm aware of this through personal experience as well as many testimonials regarding the religion. The Mormons take to shunning non-Mormons, this is evidenced even by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle in the very first Sherlock Holmes story "A Study in Scarlet," although it's less fatal now.

They are trying to escape a Tracker, which is some sort of super vampire that they can't just hide from. Which is an idea that never really crosses their mind. James isn't from the area, and although it's not that big, he doesn't know where anything is. They could hide her in town and then set a trap, but apparently none of the Cullens received the gift of knowing how to bait a trap. Which is odd given how old they are supposed to be, just watching season 2 of the A-Team would allow them to have basic knowledge of this concept.

Intelligently, however, their plan involves having Bella switch out of her clothes. Edward asks Rosalie to do this and Rosalie, clearly the most intelligent of the group replies, "Why should I?' she hissed, 'What is she to me? Except a menace--a danger you've chosen to inflict on all of us."

Rosalie's reply is pragmatic, and the rest of the Cullens must understand this because they don't rebuke her. I understand that she is supposed to come off as a bitch here but she's right. Bella isn't anything to them other than Edward's girlfriend. There are many numerous ethical theories put forth throughout the history of Philosophy that will state that Rosalie is being unethical. From Plato to Kant to Rawls, and even Levinas who said that our first duty is to the other, but Rosalie has a point. Bella isn't important other than being Edward's current relationship. He's not 17, he's a vampire who will not die of old age while she will. Later Jasper will tell Bella that they are protecting her because they don't want to see him lonely again, which is very nice for family cohesion, but she will die. Furthermore it's implied that Bella's scent is something different, more special than other humans so other vampires will be hungering for her if they catch it as well. Rosalie wants to sit this one out, I don't blame her. At most protecting Bella gives the undying Edward, what, another 70 years? It sounds like a long time for us mortals but to the undying it's like a week. Aside from Happy-Go-Lucky Alice, she makes the most sense.

Speaking of the precognitive, they actually consider her when they formulate their plan which I'm calling the "Audrey Hepburn Gambit" since I watched three episodes of Leverage and Ocean's 13 in the last week.** Esme and Bella go off to the room to undress each other (seriously) and switch clothes: the plan is that Esme dressed like Bella will go off in the jeep. Later Jasper and Alice will drive Bella somewhere and meet up with Edward. It's like a bait and switch but a little over complicated. Why not just leave at the same time, James can't be in two places at once?

Someone gets handed a "tiny silver phone" which given the time of this writing and the apparent wealth of the Cullens was probably a Motorola Razr. I'm just mentioning that.

Carlisle, before putting on his black leather gloves and popping a cigar in his mouth asks the brains of the operation, Alice, "Will they take the bait?"

Good job, centuries old patriarch, consulting the person who actually can tell how things are going to turn out. It would have been better to come up with about five or six plans and then ask her how they would end up but at least you are aware that your shitty plan still needs the future to work out.

They speed off. Bella falls asleep and wakes up in Arizona. Jasper asks her for directions to the airport, which Bella gives and then asks why, "It's better to be close, just in case."

Having been written post 9/11 this is the part of the plan that doesn't make any sense. You can't just go into an airport and buy a ticket in a hurry. That's a security flag. You also need at least an hour to get through security, so if James has figured out the Hepburn Gambit and is on his way then they need to pack up Bella, drive to the airport, buy a ticket, check their bags and get into the hanger. Then they will be sort of safe, if James doesn't follow them and do they exact same thing. Or James could just lose interest. I've seen cheetahs and bears do this on the discovery channel (er, National Geographic since Discovery is about motorcycles now for some reason), the prey gets too hard to catch and they go after something else. Since James has already eaten in Seattle he can't be that interested in one person.

Although he's a hunter and Laurent has said that it's the chase that thrills him. If that's the case, then isn't all of this running, hiding, and switching actually making him more interested in all of this?
____________________
*Which is always more than six years ago, and a statement which is true as long as it is made after season 7.
**I just love the names they give to these elaborate cons.

That Almost Makes Sense...(Pg. 390-403)

This week I became aware of something as I was reading, that I have made a mistake. Not an actual mistake, mind you, because it was something that I couldn't have known given that I don't read ahead in this book; but something I was questioning in the last update actually had an answer. We'll get to that in a little bit, but for now we are outside of Bella's house getting ready for their insane plan to usher Bella out of Forks so that she can be safe from the Tracker, James. Remember that their plan is to get Bella to convince Charlie to let her leave Forks tonight (Sunday) and head back to Phoenix where despite the fact that she has no job, is completely socially inept, and has no money she plans to get her own place.

After Emmet unbuckles her seat belt she tells Edward she loves him and then mentions that he ought not to listen to anything she is going to say afterward. I almost decided to do that myself, just to see the difference between Edward's point of view and the story. Then I realized upon beginning that it would make no sense to do that since Edward never listens to her anyway. Sure he hears her words but he isn't going to take orders from a woman, that's crazy talk.

She runs in the house faking a cry and hysterics slamming the door. Charlie is understandably concerned and inquires whether or not Edward hurt her. When she replies no he asks what is wrong because he thought she liked him, "I do like him--that's the problem...I don't want to be trapped in this stupid, boring town like mom!"

Here's my problem: she's been in the town for nine months or so, and never once did she utter a peep about this. Now when she first moved she was regretful, which is normal. I have moved out of cities several times, and each time it was a sad occasion. Then I got over it, and Bella did too. I know that she is acting here, but her choice of lie is awfully transparent. Why not say that Edward emotionally hurt her? Given the context of their date Charlie probably wouldn't question this being the impetus behind her emotional state. It doesn't matter in the long run, because Charlie is a bad father and an idiot so he takes it in stride. Although he does make a brilliant suggestion one that I felt he ought to do last week, "Just wait another week,' he pled still shell-shocked, 'Renee will be back by then."

Bella's stupid plan forgot one crucial detail: that her mother may not be prepared to have her back. I mean this was the reason she left in the first place right? Her mother's boyfriend was a baseball player and they went on the road a lot. Given that we know baseball season is in full session Bella couldn't anticipate the fact that at the current time her mother may be somewhere else--in this case Florida. Bella leaves anyway but not before hitting her father below the belt by aping the exact same lines that her mother used when she left him. Which is a horrible thing.

Not that she said it, I actually get that. She needed him to want her to go if only for an instant. The horrible thing is that she knew the exact wording that her mother used when she left. That must have been a good conversation, "so if you ever want to hurt Charlie this is exactly what I said to him when I left the two of you in Forks to go screw minor league baseball players like that movie Bull Durham..."

The real absurd part is that it works. Charlie should have grabbed her by the arm and stopped her from leaving. Remember it is Sunday and if he had any real sense he wouldn't have let her go in the first place.

Successful as her gambit was they are now in the truck speeding off with Alice in the distance behind them. Bella asks about the tracker and Edward knows, "The tracker followed us. He's running behind us now."

So he followed you? Funny that didn't get mentioned before when they pulled up. Between the telepath and the psychic no one figured that out. James isn't immune to their powers as we have seen, in fact, he should be pretty clear in Alice's mind since he's a vampire. James is out there hunting them like the Predator but no one seems to suggest standing and fighting. It was brought up before and i wonder why they are against it now? It can't be for Bella's sake, because James couldn't hurt her without getting killed by one of the other three vampires around her.

The other question is why no one at the Cullen's house misses James. The three agreed to hear Carlisle out, and forbid themselves from hunting in the region but no one seems to be aware that he (and Victoria we later learn) are gone? Furthermore there is the added problem of Charlie. His otherwise obedient and servile daughter just ran out of the house acting completely out of character, a normal person might try and contact the last people that saw her, i.e. the entire Cullen family, to find out what just happened.

Why is James tracking Bella? Edward knows, "If you didn't smell so appallingly luscious..."

I like that phrase. It shows the Meyer can really string some words together when she wants to. I have repeated that sentiment several times over the course of this blog, she can write great descriptions she really knows adjectives--it's just plot and character she has a hard time with. What I hate about the phrase is that it gives Bella more importance than she herself thinks, and we think as well. It's the kind of crap that makes Leia's ship get attacked by Vader's near Tatooine. Of course that of all the possible times, in all the possible places, James had to whiff Bella who is the most attractive human for vampires...even though no one else but Edward has even mentioned it.

Edward explains further, "If I had stood by, he would have killed you right then."

Yeah, except that standing by is exactly what Edward did. He stood there and snarled. I guess the snarling means he did something, but of course, there is also Laurent who made the pact with Carlisle, and the rest of the Cullens who could have stopped James. Good thing Edward was there or else the exact same thing would have happened that did.

So back at the Cullen's stronghold everyone is wondering what to do about James and Victoria. Naturally they ask Laurent who explains how deadly James is, and how in 300 years he's never seen anyone so dangerous and that is why, "I joined his coven."

Last week I mentioned that even though James wants to kill Bella he can't because "Laurent is the patriarch of this clan. If Laurent says no, he'll have to obey...that's how it works in the other vampire media." Not only does this mean that I'm wrong about an assumption I made with the available evidence* but that there is something of an actual danger here. James doesn't need to be unleashed because there is no leash. This surprise is not only limited to myself but also to Bella and everyone else. It's a surprise but I'm not sure why it's there.

Since most of the Vampires in this universe are not like the Cullens it would be a fair assumption for the other vampires that the Cullens would be normal and not vegan. Why put up the subterfuge? Wouldn't the fact that they had deceived the local vampire chief be more risky than openly announcing who they are?

On the one hand the worry about James makes a good deal of sense, on the other the Cullens couldn't have known that so we're back to square one. Well, almost...I mean Alice and Edward could have known and maybe that explains their actions but why did they not mention it to Carlisle who thinks that he is sitting down with the leader. I am beginning to get the idea that not one vampire in this world has any idea what they are doing. And that includes the prophet.

_____________________________________
*That since Laurent was talking to the Cullens it meant that he was in charge.