"Death shouldn't be this uncomfortable..."
I hate this line because of the pretension involved in anyone writing such a thing. If the person was dead, they wouldn't be uncomfortable even eternal torment of the netherworld isn't uncomfortable, it's torturous (unless of course that's the genius of the whole thing: mild irritation for eternity probably makes you think that it will get better in ways that Dante's boiling pitch wouldn't). It's also the type of line that appears in the books of fictional characters where only one line needs to suffice for evidence of the character's literary genius because we think that the entire book is going to be that profound (see Finding Forrester or Californication for what I am talking about) but it won't be, "The Arsonist's Daughter" this isn't. The problem with a line like this is that Bella isn't smart enough to think it. At no point in the story have we learned of her intelligence except when we've been told by her that she is indeed smart. Yet even if we were to grant her book smarts she is unable to glean any sort of insight into life, love, and death. Sorry Meyer no sale on this line.
In fact this whole section is a "no sale." I'm not buying most of it and it can't even be chalked up to being rushed for the end. It's in sight people, we are almost done with this laborious experiment, and somehow the end is turning out to be as bad as the beginning. Probably worse because at least in the beginning there were no reference points.
The room Bella is in is a hospital room. Edward is there, and Edward's mother is somewhere around. Instead of asking Edward what happened the first thing she says is, "Oh Edward I'm so sorry!"
See she was brutally attacked and almost killed by James, and then almost un-killed by James (i.e. turned into a vampire) and the first thing Bella does is apologize? Alright that makes no sense to me. I guess she's apologizing for deceiving him but that shouldn't need the apology since it would seem that everyone knew what she was doing anyway...they just had to get their luggage from baggage claim before saving her.
So she's in the hospital with a broken leg, multiple lacerations, a strange injury on her finger and some head trauma. What did the Cullens tell the authorities (and Bella's parents)? "You fell down two flights of stairs and through a window."
How the fuck does anyone think that is a plausible explanation? Was the window magically placed on the landing below the two flights of stairs or were her injuries the result of two accidents? Where does Edward fit into this? Was he a stranger that found her or did he bring in a severely injured woman and say, 'this is my girlfriend she fell down my stairs and then out of my window.' Yeah no one will call the cops on that. Yet there is something even more ridiculous going on here...that's right I said "more."
The entire book has had a running theme about Bella's character, that she lacks the coordination of a two year old. In gym class she manages to hit her head and Mike's shoulder in one swing with a Badminton Racket, we've been told that she can't walk across a flat surface without falling, and Edward refers to her needing him because of this anti-coordination. Yet the book never showed us this in action, we are instead told about it repeatedly. Throughout the year or so that I have been doing this, I have asked the question of Chekov's Gun, the story trope wherein if a gun appears on scene at some point it has to be fired. Bella's clumsiness is Chekov's gun, and this, THIS, is how it is fired? Used as an excuse for James' attack? That is so utterly weak that I wonder if it was done as an after thought hoping that the target audience wouldn't notice. This is perhaps why, I am not in the target audience.
We also meet the crazy mother, who is obsessive and over-protective when Bella doesn't call. Here, she has an excuse to be a little anxious but instead is only curious about Edward being the reason that she doesn't want to move to Florida. In fact, I wouldn't say that her mother is anything but normal. Although her complete obliviousness to Bella's injuries might speak more to her being crazy than anything else could have...yeah scratch that, Meyer did a good job with the mother.
The other major disappointment in this section comes regarding James. Edward explains what happened after Bella passed out, "After I pulled him off you..."
Emmet and Jasper drag James outside and kill him. They couldn't stand their bloodlust, and James had to, in the words of the Wire, "Get got." If the brothers didn't need to leave the room would the Cullens have drawn lots to see who got to do James? I digress though...All of that chasing, running, switching, and Audrey Hepburn Gambits was for naught because all the Cullens really had to do was lock James in a room with Emmet and Jasper. The only actual conflict in this book is resolved in an off-hand remark that Edward makes. Sure, he appears rueful about it, but then becomes angry when they play the tape and hear James talking about Alice. Why even bother with it? Think about the entire story in light of the ease that James was dispatched with, would anything be that different if the Cullens weren't vampires?
With the RN in the room and her mother gone Bella and Edward talk about why Bella isn't moving to Florida. Edward wishes she would move away to, "someplace where I couldn't hurt you anymore." Despite the fact that he actually hasn't hurt her...yet. I really hope that given the nature of her injuries and his comment, that the RN isn't in the room and I misread something. Because the police ought to be on their way.
I hate this line because of the pretension involved in anyone writing such a thing. If the person was dead, they wouldn't be uncomfortable even eternal torment of the netherworld isn't uncomfortable, it's torturous (unless of course that's the genius of the whole thing: mild irritation for eternity probably makes you think that it will get better in ways that Dante's boiling pitch wouldn't). It's also the type of line that appears in the books of fictional characters where only one line needs to suffice for evidence of the character's literary genius because we think that the entire book is going to be that profound (see Finding Forrester or Californication for what I am talking about) but it won't be, "The Arsonist's Daughter" this isn't. The problem with a line like this is that Bella isn't smart enough to think it. At no point in the story have we learned of her intelligence except when we've been told by her that she is indeed smart. Yet even if we were to grant her book smarts she is unable to glean any sort of insight into life, love, and death. Sorry Meyer no sale on this line.
In fact this whole section is a "no sale." I'm not buying most of it and it can't even be chalked up to being rushed for the end. It's in sight people, we are almost done with this laborious experiment, and somehow the end is turning out to be as bad as the beginning. Probably worse because at least in the beginning there were no reference points.
The room Bella is in is a hospital room. Edward is there, and Edward's mother is somewhere around. Instead of asking Edward what happened the first thing she says is, "Oh Edward I'm so sorry!"
See she was brutally attacked and almost killed by James, and then almost un-killed by James (i.e. turned into a vampire) and the first thing Bella does is apologize? Alright that makes no sense to me. I guess she's apologizing for deceiving him but that shouldn't need the apology since it would seem that everyone knew what she was doing anyway...they just had to get their luggage from baggage claim before saving her.
So she's in the hospital with a broken leg, multiple lacerations, a strange injury on her finger and some head trauma. What did the Cullens tell the authorities (and Bella's parents)? "You fell down two flights of stairs and through a window."
How the fuck does anyone think that is a plausible explanation? Was the window magically placed on the landing below the two flights of stairs or were her injuries the result of two accidents? Where does Edward fit into this? Was he a stranger that found her or did he bring in a severely injured woman and say, 'this is my girlfriend she fell down my stairs and then out of my window.' Yeah no one will call the cops on that. Yet there is something even more ridiculous going on here...that's right I said "more."
The entire book has had a running theme about Bella's character, that she lacks the coordination of a two year old. In gym class she manages to hit her head and Mike's shoulder in one swing with a Badminton Racket, we've been told that she can't walk across a flat surface without falling, and Edward refers to her needing him because of this anti-coordination. Yet the book never showed us this in action, we are instead told about it repeatedly. Throughout the year or so that I have been doing this, I have asked the question of Chekov's Gun, the story trope wherein if a gun appears on scene at some point it has to be fired. Bella's clumsiness is Chekov's gun, and this, THIS, is how it is fired? Used as an excuse for James' attack? That is so utterly weak that I wonder if it was done as an after thought hoping that the target audience wouldn't notice. This is perhaps why, I am not in the target audience.
We also meet the crazy mother, who is obsessive and over-protective when Bella doesn't call. Here, she has an excuse to be a little anxious but instead is only curious about Edward being the reason that she doesn't want to move to Florida. In fact, I wouldn't say that her mother is anything but normal. Although her complete obliviousness to Bella's injuries might speak more to her being crazy than anything else could have...yeah scratch that, Meyer did a good job with the mother.
The other major disappointment in this section comes regarding James. Edward explains what happened after Bella passed out, "After I pulled him off you..."
Emmet and Jasper drag James outside and kill him. They couldn't stand their bloodlust, and James had to, in the words of the Wire, "Get got." If the brothers didn't need to leave the room would the Cullens have drawn lots to see who got to do James? I digress though...All of that chasing, running, switching, and Audrey Hepburn Gambits was for naught because all the Cullens really had to do was lock James in a room with Emmet and Jasper. The only actual conflict in this book is resolved in an off-hand remark that Edward makes. Sure, he appears rueful about it, but then becomes angry when they play the tape and hear James talking about Alice. Why even bother with it? Think about the entire story in light of the ease that James was dispatched with, would anything be that different if the Cullens weren't vampires?
With the RN in the room and her mother gone Bella and Edward talk about why Bella isn't moving to Florida. Edward wishes she would move away to, "someplace where I couldn't hurt you anymore." Despite the fact that he actually hasn't hurt her...yet. I really hope that given the nature of her injuries and his comment, that the RN isn't in the room and I misread something. Because the police ought to be on their way.
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