As promised we are back on track with the finale to the big first date between Bella and Edward. Reviewing, the first part of the date consisted of Edward taking Bella on a hike to the middle of the woods in a secluded spot without any witnesses. Maybe I should not put it like that since everything started off well, but when Edward goes all "hulk smash" in the glade one does wonder why they had to go so far out of the way just to be alone. They could have just worked that out in the woods behind Bella's house, but I digress...sort of.
We left off last time with Edward reminding Bella, "Never forget that I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else."
A strange comment, because Edward is singling her out. Thus far, the only reason we have that he's any more dangerous to her than anyone else is because she's a moron who keeps hanging out with a guy who spends his time reminding her that he's so close to killing her. Ah, romance, it hasn't been like this since the classical age. My favorite part about this aspect of the relationship is that somehow this is idolized by both teenage girls who don't know any better but also by older women who ought to carrying signs saying "team Edward" or "Team Jacob." I suppose that it I started acting like a sociopath I could get women to start carrying "Team David" signs all over the place as well.
Bella, for once, thinks that Edward is being odd too. She asks why she's at risk and he answers (probably with an impatient sigh), "How do I explain?,' he mused. 'And without frightening you again...hmmmm."
Now, all of the sudden, he's concerned with scaring her? It doesn't make any sense for him to be like this, since literally the previous thing he did was to remind her that she should be afraid. It's this kind of contradictory behavior that makes me really hate this character and by proxy her for putting up with him. What follows is a strange and frustrating answer rendered all the more absurd by it's appeal to the idea of soul mates. It also serves to make the vampires in the Meyer universe even lamer than they were before, which I must say is quite a feat.
It's too long to quote but Edward having the experience of about a hundred years of life gives a series of awkward metaphors and each one of them fail. He starts with food, which he quickly apologizes for as his explanation implies that Bella is nothing more than food for him. Then he moves on to talking about locking an alcoholic in a room with cognac, which he wouldn't be able to resist...or something, which then awkwardly transforms into discussing heroin addiction. I'll tell you one thing, there's a heroine in this story I can't stand (I'm so ashamed of that pun I'm not even going to delete it). Despite the complete ineptness of Edward to explain what it is he's talking about, Bella gets it--because she's read the back cover of this book and can derive "b" to connect "a" to "c."
It's a good thing to because without her, we would have no idea what he's getting at, "So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?"
She better stop with the learnin' and the guessin' or Edward might have to break another tree. Actually he seems to be grateful that he doesn't have to come up with something more twisted and convoluted as a metaphor. Which is fortunate because the heroin metaphor, the alcohol metaphor don't really work. The food one that he started and then stopped would probably have been the best. Edward is saying that Bella's blood is his favorite, that whole first day where he hated her? That was just because he was so tempted to kill her that he could barely restrain himself. In some way I understand what he is attempting to say. He just doesn't know how, this would be cute if he was 17, but he's not so he should know how to explain it. Her blood overwhelms his normal restraint, the metaphor should be phrased as a person on a diet going to an all you can eat restaurant. They could just stop at the salad menu but would be sorely tempted to stick their mouth underneath the custard machine (yes, I've done it and I can never go back).
All of the vampires in Meyer's universe will eventually figure out their type (her pun not mine) over time. "He (Jasper) hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, flavor)." Or it's a more of a wine thing. I can tell the difference between Chianti and Pinot Noire by taste, because I have experience in drinking wine. Or the difference between Jack Daniel's and Jameson because I drink Whiskey. Or the difference between Skyy and Absolut...you get the idea. Fine, different blood has different tastes, I'll give her that one.*
The whole issue is that it runs the cliche that these two are soul mates or whatever the equivalent is for vampires. It's not just that Bella is a good flavor,** because this isn't about her diet. She seems to eat whatever everyone else eats. It's also not about lifestyle since we know that she doesn't exercise being too clumsy. This is fate and it's completely unnecessary except for that fact that Meyer wrote herself into another corner. If you remember back at the beginning of the book Bella thought that Edward hated her, and now she's got to explain that away.
"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly..." the trouble is, as I pointed out early in this series, is that his reaction was exactly what she expected. Edward didn't hate her he wanted to be away from her so that he could resist the temptation to eat her. Out of all the explanations this is pure deus ex machina. Why not just state that it was love at first sight and he couldn't risk exposing his family? After all this blood attraction makes the whole thing purely biological. It has nothing to do with her personality or her intelligence, it's all about the physical. It's worse than him worshiping her appearance, because to some extent everyone can exert some control over their appearance. Edward might as well be addicted to her spleen for all she is responsible for this attraction.
Then the chapter gets odd, odd for this book. Edward, because of his particular blood addiction decides to leave town. Every once in awhile this will happen to one of the vampires and they either drink their fill and kill the person, or they run. Edward, being a total chicken shit runs. Before you romantics object, remember this: he didn't run for her sake, he ran for his. Her life had nothing to do with his decision, it was all about self-preservation for him. It's the reason he saved her from the van, although the reason he's been stalking her hasn't been made clear yet.
Edward fights with his family for some reason. We aren't told, but it's after he's left and returned. The only explanation is that, "Now was the time?" We are never given any real context for that statement, even trying to be generous I can't figure out what that means.
Then the shit gets real. Like real, real. I've said several times in this series already, but I like to repeat it: Meyer does some great descriptions and can really build tension. However I've noticed the pattern, when she's not involving her insufferable main characters, or having anyone discuss anything she shines as a writer. Bella lays on the ground with Edward gently stroking his hand, not speaking the whole scene really works. When they are back at the van, they finally kiss, it's a good seen, "perhaps he would hesitate to prolong that moment, that ideal moment of anticipation, sometimes better than the kiss itself."
Been there before. The important thing is that she doesn't ruin it by having them talk for a bit, then they do and mercifully the chapter ends before it gets too lame, as if Bella just focused on the fact that his lips were icy. Because they wouldn't be, they would be room temperature. Death shouldn't make them cold, just not 98.6 right?
________________________
*HBO's True Blood does this is as well in the new season as one of the kings pays humans to eat nothing but fruit for a month and then drains them for the flavor. I would imagine that blood is flavored by the amount of sugar and oxygen in a person. I won't quibble with her on this.
**I guess depression, false sense of entitlement and self-importance really spice the blood.
We left off last time with Edward reminding Bella, "Never forget that I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else."
A strange comment, because Edward is singling her out. Thus far, the only reason we have that he's any more dangerous to her than anyone else is because she's a moron who keeps hanging out with a guy who spends his time reminding her that he's so close to killing her. Ah, romance, it hasn't been like this since the classical age. My favorite part about this aspect of the relationship is that somehow this is idolized by both teenage girls who don't know any better but also by older women who ought to carrying signs saying "team Edward" or "Team Jacob." I suppose that it I started acting like a sociopath I could get women to start carrying "Team David" signs all over the place as well.
Bella, for once, thinks that Edward is being odd too. She asks why she's at risk and he answers (probably with an impatient sigh), "How do I explain?,' he mused. 'And without frightening you again...hmmmm."
Now, all of the sudden, he's concerned with scaring her? It doesn't make any sense for him to be like this, since literally the previous thing he did was to remind her that she should be afraid. It's this kind of contradictory behavior that makes me really hate this character and by proxy her for putting up with him. What follows is a strange and frustrating answer rendered all the more absurd by it's appeal to the idea of soul mates. It also serves to make the vampires in the Meyer universe even lamer than they were before, which I must say is quite a feat.
It's too long to quote but Edward having the experience of about a hundred years of life gives a series of awkward metaphors and each one of them fail. He starts with food, which he quickly apologizes for as his explanation implies that Bella is nothing more than food for him. Then he moves on to talking about locking an alcoholic in a room with cognac, which he wouldn't be able to resist...or something, which then awkwardly transforms into discussing heroin addiction. I'll tell you one thing, there's a heroine in this story I can't stand (I'm so ashamed of that pun I'm not even going to delete it). Despite the complete ineptness of Edward to explain what it is he's talking about, Bella gets it--because she's read the back cover of this book and can derive "b" to connect "a" to "c."
It's a good thing to because without her, we would have no idea what he's getting at, "So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?"
She better stop with the learnin' and the guessin' or Edward might have to break another tree. Actually he seems to be grateful that he doesn't have to come up with something more twisted and convoluted as a metaphor. Which is fortunate because the heroin metaphor, the alcohol metaphor don't really work. The food one that he started and then stopped would probably have been the best. Edward is saying that Bella's blood is his favorite, that whole first day where he hated her? That was just because he was so tempted to kill her that he could barely restrain himself. In some way I understand what he is attempting to say. He just doesn't know how, this would be cute if he was 17, but he's not so he should know how to explain it. Her blood overwhelms his normal restraint, the metaphor should be phrased as a person on a diet going to an all you can eat restaurant. They could just stop at the salad menu but would be sorely tempted to stick their mouth underneath the custard machine (yes, I've done it and I can never go back).
All of the vampires in Meyer's universe will eventually figure out their type (her pun not mine) over time. "He (Jasper) hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, flavor)." Or it's a more of a wine thing. I can tell the difference between Chianti and Pinot Noire by taste, because I have experience in drinking wine. Or the difference between Jack Daniel's and Jameson because I drink Whiskey. Or the difference between Skyy and Absolut...you get the idea. Fine, different blood has different tastes, I'll give her that one.*
The whole issue is that it runs the cliche that these two are soul mates or whatever the equivalent is for vampires. It's not just that Bella is a good flavor,** because this isn't about her diet. She seems to eat whatever everyone else eats. It's also not about lifestyle since we know that she doesn't exercise being too clumsy. This is fate and it's completely unnecessary except for that fact that Meyer wrote herself into another corner. If you remember back at the beginning of the book Bella thought that Edward hated her, and now she's got to explain that away.
"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly..." the trouble is, as I pointed out early in this series, is that his reaction was exactly what she expected. Edward didn't hate her he wanted to be away from her so that he could resist the temptation to eat her. Out of all the explanations this is pure deus ex machina. Why not just state that it was love at first sight and he couldn't risk exposing his family? After all this blood attraction makes the whole thing purely biological. It has nothing to do with her personality or her intelligence, it's all about the physical. It's worse than him worshiping her appearance, because to some extent everyone can exert some control over their appearance. Edward might as well be addicted to her spleen for all she is responsible for this attraction.
Then the chapter gets odd, odd for this book. Edward, because of his particular blood addiction decides to leave town. Every once in awhile this will happen to one of the vampires and they either drink their fill and kill the person, or they run. Edward, being a total chicken shit runs. Before you romantics object, remember this: he didn't run for her sake, he ran for his. Her life had nothing to do with his decision, it was all about self-preservation for him. It's the reason he saved her from the van, although the reason he's been stalking her hasn't been made clear yet.
Edward fights with his family for some reason. We aren't told, but it's after he's left and returned. The only explanation is that, "Now was the time?" We are never given any real context for that statement, even trying to be generous I can't figure out what that means.
Then the shit gets real. Like real, real. I've said several times in this series already, but I like to repeat it: Meyer does some great descriptions and can really build tension. However I've noticed the pattern, when she's not involving her insufferable main characters, or having anyone discuss anything she shines as a writer. Bella lays on the ground with Edward gently stroking his hand, not speaking the whole scene really works. When they are back at the van, they finally kiss, it's a good seen, "perhaps he would hesitate to prolong that moment, that ideal moment of anticipation, sometimes better than the kiss itself."
Been there before. The important thing is that she doesn't ruin it by having them talk for a bit, then they do and mercifully the chapter ends before it gets too lame, as if Bella just focused on the fact that his lips were icy. Because they wouldn't be, they would be room temperature. Death shouldn't make them cold, just not 98.6 right?
________________________
*HBO's True Blood does this is as well in the new season as one of the kings pays humans to eat nothing but fruit for a month and then drains them for the flavor. I would imagine that blood is flavored by the amount of sugar and oxygen in a person. I won't quibble with her on this.
**I guess depression, false sense of entitlement and self-importance really spice the blood.
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